there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of
you put it into words
Interesting
Please don’t count me as selfish when I skip meal,
Or fast all day.
Please don’t get angry with me,
When I say
“I’m not hungry” or “I’ve already eaten”Please don’t tell me that I don’t love you,
When nightly I eat food in my bedroom
Out of shame
Because I’ve fasted all day and I’m starving,
But God forbid I eat in your presence,
Because I’m deathly afraid of it.Please-
Don’t leave me because I am sick.
You wouldn’t leave if I had cancer,
Or had a broken leg..
So what’s any different with my mind?I’m just as sick.
Just as scared.
And in the same amount of pain,
If not more.So please:
Don’t leave me.
I need you.
My psychologist and i had a conversation about how much Tumblr helped me feeling less alone in my mental illnesses and daily struggles. It helped me accept them and learn that I’m not crazy. And it still helps me every day. Now I’m curious am I the only one experiencing this or does it helps you too?
Forever going to reblog
me, age 15: i cant wait to be 20 when i will finally reach my full potential, peak me,
me, on my 20s: i cant wait to die
Don’t you hate it when this happens:
Parent: you’re not eating enough, eat this
*forces 592 calories down your throat*
Me: *eats 100 cals worth of cookies*
Parent: StOp EaTIng sO muCh NO WONDER WHY YOURE SO FAT
Me: bu-
Parent: You should go on a DIET, or start EXERCISING. Hmmm JUST LOSE WEIGHT
Me: *cries in bathroom and vows to have a 4 day fast with exercise ofc*
-a
Ana gently led me to the bathroom mirror and stripped me of my clothing, smiling when she found that when she lay her hand on my stomach, it was less round than it had been a month ago. Still smiling slightly, she placed a new meal plan in front of me with a lot of numbers from 0-800. I liked the look of it.
She wrapped a petite arm around my waist and looked at my through the mirror and said, “Babe, look how far you’ve come. You’re doing so well. Look at you! You look so much more beautiful than last month. You’re almost at your ultimate goal weight! I’ve already started planning what we’ll do the day you reach it! I was thinking coffee from Starbucks (a skinny latte, obviously) and then we could go shopping and get you all the clothes you’ve always wanted to wear but were never confident enough to. Then we could come home, workout a bit and invite the popular girls over for a sleepover. They’d love it. They’d love you! Just keep going, gorgeous. You’re so close.” Ana paused, and I looked at her sideways for a moment. “You know why I’m hard on you, right? I just don’t want you to be so sad all the time. I was really hoping that once you were skinny and beautiful you’d be happier. And I think it’s working. I really do. People like you more now, YOU like you more. God I’m so sorry it had to be this way. It just rips me to shreds when I see you tearing yourself down. That’s why I’m helping you. Nurturing you. Into a better, wondrous life style. Drink up, sweetheart. We have work to do.”
DISCLAIMER: this is my intellectual property. Unfortunately, my old blog (incrediblythin) was terminated. So, I found this and copy pasted it into a post for this blog because I own these words. Thank you for not commenting rude things.
I just wanna stop eating. I don’t care if its essential to live, I just want to stop, because once I start eating, I know I won’t be able to stop, and that will drive me one step closer to killing myself.
Maybe I’m “fucked up”, maybe it affects relationships with people, but I know, no one loves me, and I know, no one will until I am either skinny or dead.
How I broke my plateau 🌹
🚨 NORMALLY I DONT GIVE ANA TIPS BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT🚨
Guys… my CW is 87 lbs (39.5 kg)
My UGW was set at 85 and I honestly don’t think I’ll need to set it lower. That’s right— you CAN eventually feel comfortable with yourself. I was stuck at 97/98 for SO LONG and I couldn’t understand why. I was exercising and eating ~300 calories a day. How. Was. I. Stuck???? My thigh gap was almost there and I was losing my mind. This is the weight I get stuck at every single time and I finally have figured it out! 🔑
Ready?
This is going to sound like complete bullshit
All I did was started drinking way more water and tea. Less energy drinks, more actual coffee if I wanted caffeine.
I walk 20/30 minutes a day. Nothing intense— sometimes even walking to the grocery store and back counts. I’m on my feet a lot at work and just tried to consciously move around a little more throughout the day. No more running. No more jumping jacks. Still squats bc 🍑 duh but nothing crazy.
I eat lunch
I eat dinner
I eat vegan and I count calories less. Hummus has a lot of calories but is ok most days! Same w avocado. Beans, lentils, veggies, apples. Pickled lotus root. Tofu shiritaki. Rice, but a mindful portion. Seriously, eat your veggies. Sauce is ok, just try to find a stir fry that’s around 40 cals/2tbsp or use soy sauce. SPICY FOOD. Hard candy. Just be mindful of portion. Think, how much would someone give themselves to take care of themselves? Then add more veggies
But that’s the key— ask yourself “how much of this would someone who loves themself do/give themselves?”
Would they run 8 miles a day and eat only gum? Probably not
The key is you don’t have to die to feel pretty. I’m losing weight still. Every morning the scale is the same or lower.
My collarbones and hipbones stick out and I have a thigh gap. The smallest size in women’s pants at Zara are too big.
And!! Get this!!!!!
My coworkers have been commenting that my eyes and skin look brighter. My hair is soft and growing again. I’m not bloated every single time I eat.
You guys.
I don’t mean to be rude but you’re doing it wrong and you’re fucking it up and you’re hurting yourselves and you don’t have to.
My whole life, I’ve been told my body just wasn’t naturally meant to be that thin. My mom said I just physically couldn’t ever have a thigh gap. This is a lie!! Once you start being nice to yourself and:
-stop shoving a bunch of laxatives and diet pills and energy drinks in your system
-stop overexercising
-stop starving yourself to the point of passing out
your body will be nice back. Go for a walk and listen to a podcast or something (any ED murderinos????? MFM?? Anyone?) Learn a new vegan recipe— Asian/Indian/Greek inspired are my faves. Drink water and tea and move around a bunch and stretch. Sleep. Just try it and pay attention to the scale. Pay attention to your body and listen to it.
Im not pro anything, I’ve just been asked by a few people how I did this and it’s honestly been life changing for me. This isn’t necessarily recovery because I’m still way underweight but it also feels less like an ED nowadays and more like I’m more in sync with my body. This is the thinnest and healthiest I’ve been and I’m confused 🤷♀️
Let me know if this works for you!! I’d love for all of us to feel more normal
As always, stay safe
10 simple rules for a better you:
1. 2l of water a day will keep the cravings away.
2. No food after ten o’clock in the evening or before four o’clock in the afternoon (18h fast).
3. 100 sit-ups in your bed before you fall asleep is a good way to burn 56 calories.
4. Always say no to food that you didn’t plan to eat. For example me, I only eat dinner with my parents and if anyone asks me if I want anything before dinner I have to say “no”
5. Always shower in ice cold water. It burns calories and I just feel fat when I’m warm.
6. Always have a big cup of tea when you come home from school to provide yourself from binging.
7. Always weigh yourself on Monday’s and no other day.
8. Write everything you eat up. Even if you feel ashamed of what you ate, especially if you feel ashamed of what you put your filthy hands on.
9. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever purge. Just don’t do it, it’s dangerous and when you start you kinda get addicted.
10. Never eat in school
God give me a sign or I have to give up. I can’t do this anymore. Please just let me die.
glass-skeleton
